Heavy Heart

This is not going to be the most upbeat post, but it is the way I am feeling today. I have been following a certain blogger for a while now. I originally saw her on Kelly's Korner and have been checking back with her ever so often. A couple months ago, Katie (the girl I have been following) had been airlifted to Little Rock due to headaches and numbing of an arm-- she was also pregnant. Turns out she had some sort of brain infection, and had to be given all sorts of medication to help treat it. She was finally released in well condition. I just thought this girl was so cute. She had the cutest little boy (well, next to Thompson) and was expecting a little girl. Katie was all set to deliver around the 20th of this month, but God had other plans for her and her little girl. This week she was admitted and had to have an emergency c-section. (I think they realized something was wrong with her baby's heartbeat.) When baby Reese was born, she wasn't breathing. They immediately tried to treat her, but they soon realized that she had no brain activity. They kept her on the ventilator for 2 days and baby Reese went to heaven yesterday.

Hearing this just absolutely breaks me down. She was not a sick baby. She was supposed to enter this world and be the new happiness in her family's life. I just don't understand sometimes. I know that I take it for granted so many times my health and my family's health. Here we are planning on baby Brycen's arrival this late fall, and I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through. 9 months of loving this little being that is a part of you. 9 months of preparing for the new addition to the family. And all of it just taken away in one breath. I know that God has plans for my family as well as myself. And being the stubborn person I am, it is hard to sometimes see His plans. Understanding is even harder. But it is not my position to question. To be honest, sometimes I read about babies that are sick and pass away. Every time it kills me. I look at their parents and some are just so broken down. And some are just so positive and are just such an inspiration. I honestly do not think I would be that strong, I just really don't. I know that God had a plan for Baby Reese. As hard as it is to see, I must believe even more. I have been really trying here lately to just lay my problems down and not to stress over them. But it is hard. I know that God has a plan, and I need to just fully trust and rely on Him-- with my whole being.

Please keep baby Reese and her family in your prayers. I am also in need of prayer-- for patience and understanding.